Watching a friend or family member battle a mental illness or addiction is challenging. No matter how well-meaning your intentions, your efforts to get their attention or help them get better may be rejected or ignored. Trying to force the situation can push them even further away from the help they need. If your loved one is not ready to get treatment for their substance abuse or mental health disorder, don’t get discouraged. Here are 4 ways you can still provide support.
Educate Yourself
Learning about your loved one's experience will only make you a stronger and more empathetic ally. Educating yourself about their specific challenges, symptoms, and treatment options will provide clarity about the struggles your loved one is facing. This can also help you understand the reasons why they are avoiding treatment. Feelings of shame, guilt, denial or a lack of autonomy may be affecting your loved one's decision. By trying to understand what they are going through, you can help support them in navigating these emotions. It also never hurts to lend a compassionate ear, if they are willing to share their experience with you, and simply listen to what they have to say.
Share Your Concerns
If your friend or family member is refusing to get help, resist the urge to threaten them or offer unsolicited advice. Instead, shift the focus to sharing your concerns or discussing the benefits of getting treatment. However, this doesn’t mean this topic should dominate every interaction. It’s important to make time for other topics of discussion as well. If they come to expect a lecture from every conversation, they may not be willing to discuss the topic of treatment at all. You could also risk damaging your relationship.
Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is important, even if it can be challenging. You can start by establishing clear and honest communication about the behaviors you won’t support. Telling your loved one you won’t provide financial assistance or condone verbal abuse sets a firm expectation about your limits regarding accountability and respectful communication. Some examples of common boundaries may include:
“You may not use drugs or alcohol around me or in my home.”
“I will not provide financial or legal assistance if you are arrested.”
“I will not cover for you or lie for you.”
“I will not tolerate insults or aggressive behavior.”
Establishing clear boundaries helps protect your mental well-being, as well as encourages your loved one to take responsibility for their behavior.
Seek Out Professional Support
It is difficult to face the challenges of addiction and mental illness in any relationship. Whether you are concerned about your spouse, parent, child, sibling, friend, or colleague, remember–it isn’t selfish to practice self-care. Establishing your own support system will help you navigate this complicated experience and help you to better support your loved one. Mental health services, like therapy or support groups, provide a safe place to work through the emotional ups and downs of loving someone who needs help. These tools can also help you better understand your loved one’s perspective, as well as help you draw the line between being there for them and enabling their behavior.
If your loved one is ready to move forward with treatment, get in touch with a member of The Walker Center team today. We will work with them to develop a plan that meets their individual needs. Learn more here.
For immediate mental health assistance in the U.S., the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7. Dial 1-800-273-TALK. Call 911 if you or your loved one are experiencing a life-threatening emergency.
