One in three Americans reports that substance addiction has affected their family. If this is the case for you too, you are probably asking yourself - how can I support my sober partner over the holiday season?
While many people are excited about Christmas, others who are battling addiction often find this time of the year particularly stressful. That is why today we share seven resourceful tips that can help you support your spouse over the holidays.
1. Talk To Your Family In Advance
Talking about one's problems can lead to solutions, but often big family gatherings are not the best place for such discussion. Questions on sobriety can not only make your spouse uncomfortable but could also trigger a relapse. In a situation like this, a person often feels attacked and judged, even if the questions are made with good intentions.
What you can do to help is start a conversation. Many people don’t know how to interact with someone in recovery appropriately, even if they are close relatives.
The best thing to do is talk about it beforehand with all parties.
Ask your spouse how your family can be supportive. What are his or her expectations? Then you, with or without your spouse (ask what they prefer), can talk to your family in advance and ask them kindly to avoid specific topics at the dinner table or tell them what the proper, tactful way to address the situation would be, based on your spouse’s communicated needs.
Sometimes a little bit of education goes a long way. Educating your family about addiction, the disease behind addiction, and how it affects the brain, could also be helpful in increasing their awareness of the topic.
2. Acknowledge Your Spouse’s Feelings And Listen
During the holiday season, people often seem happy and carefree. But there is a high chance that your loved ones battling addiction are suffering in silence.
Plan ahead some quality time with your partner and ask them how they feel. Listen carefully and without judgment. Oftentimes problems and arguments come from unsaid words, so it is important to schedule some time just to talk, even around such a busy season.
3. Ask Your Spouse How You Can Help
Sometimes we think we know what’s best for others. Especially when it comes to our loved ones. However, someone going through their recovery journey is experiencing the world very differently.
The best thing you can do to support your spouse is simply ASK. Listen to their needs first and proceed with actions later. Also be patient, because it may not be easy for people just starting out.
4. Seek Fun Sober Activities
The detrimental side effects of alcohol are often overlooked, especially around the holiday season. People often forget what the true purpose of the holidays is - to bring loved ones together.
How can you make this Christmas better for your spouse and yourself too? Think about some old-school (sober) holiday activities. Things like ice skating, baking, decorating, cooking, or even going back to your childhood and building a gingerbread house. If you are feeling extra festive, go look up some DIY Christmas decorations online and create your own.
All this will surely create some new positive memories together. And that will ultimately not only make your spouse feel good but will also strengthen your relationship.
5. Be Patient With Your Partner
Realizing that finding freedom from addiction is a long road and being patient is an important part of being a supportive spouse. Keep in mind that each individual's journey is full of ups and downs. Your partner will need your extra support in hard times, and it's understandable if you also feel drained. Your feelings are completely valid, and it’s okay to take some time for yourself as well.
Don’t give up. Even without alcohol, each person has their own struggles. It is important to remember that progress takes time. Stay hopeful, make note of the small wins and the big leaps, and remember that recovery is not linear. There will be ups and downs. Just don’t ride the lows too low!
6. Know Your Partner's Triggers And Avoid Them
Do you know what makes your partner vulnerable? Maybe it's a certain environment, a smell, a place, or an activity. People often feel anxious during social events, which triggers their addiction. The truth is that no matter how mentally stable a person is, everybody has behavioral triggers.
You can immensely help your partner by knowing and understanding their triggers. If your spouse is newly sober, this can help you avoid situations that trigger them.
7. Don’t Forget To Take Care Of Yourself
Being a supportive partner to someone with an addiction is not easy. It involves a lot of self-sacrifices and emotional strength. To prevent feeling drained, take good care of yourself. Sleep regular hours, even if you feel like not falling asleep due to worries. Don’t forget to stay in tune with your mind, pay attention to your energy levels, eat healthily, and plan a “self-care” day every once in a while. If you feel particularly burned out, talking to a therapist can help.
Final Thoughts
No matter the circumstances, each person goes through difficult times in their life. In such moments it's important to have the support of family and friends. A good support system is surely one of the most important elements of overcoming one's troubled past.
Being a supportive partner is surely not an easy journey in and of itself. We know that you go through ups and downs too. Having a good set of techniques surely helps, but sometimes the best thing you can do is seek the help of professionals. If you feel like now is the right time, don’t hesitate to contact The Walker Center. We offer mental health services for you or your loved ones and have also helped thousands of people recover from drug and alcohol addictions.
